Never Good Enough

My Beautiful Kylia!

When I was growing up I was required to wear dresses to church.  It was what we did.  It was the norm. Nowadays things are a bit different.  Churches are trying to become more casual, making anyone feel welcome.  I no longer wear dresses as frequently, but jeans and a nice shirt have become my new norm.  But for some reason I still have this expectation for my girls.

Kylia came down this Sunday with a very short skirt on (she keeps growing, but her clothes don't), with shorts underneath, that daddy and I decided was a bit too short.  She then went upstairs and came down with shorts on.  I gently told her that we dress up for church to show proper respect to the Lord. (At least that is what I was taught growing up.)  At this the tears began to flow and continued to flow as we started down the road for church.  

I heard sniffles in the back and decided they could not continue the entire drive, and so I had Seth pull over.  Kylia and I jumped out and talked.  I asked her what was making her cry, and she said she never feels pretty.  Oy!  I asked, "Never?"  She said, "Well, for the last few Sundays.  I'm either too pretty or not pretty enough." And so at the age of eight, she was already feeling what so many woman struggle with in life, "I'm never good enough."  

So, I have been processing this conversation all day.  Kylia is in a stage where she doesn't like dresses, but wants to please mommy and daddy more than anything.  Do I continue to require dresses simply because that is what I know.  Do I look to the heart of my little girl and see that there is no rebellion there and so permit something other than dresses?  (When she wears her holiday dresses, she feels she is too dressed up.  Can she ever win?)  Do I tell her she is beautiful, and that I want her to be who God created her to be, to be confident in who she is, and to know that God made her beautiful no matter what adorns the outside?  That she is beautiful because of what is on the inside?  

I decided dresses weren't the most important issue here.  My daughter, on this day, needed to know she was beautiful because of who she was, not what she was wearing.  So, after asking for forgiveness, sharing that mommy is trying to wade through what is truly important in this life God has given us, the tears dried up and we were once again on our way to church, 2 in dresses and 1 in shorts.  

I desire to capture the heart of my little girl, so that when she becomes a young woman she will come to me with the question, "Mom, is this outfit modest?" confident in her beauty, not running to others for approval of her beauty.  

Lord, give me wisdom.